Shared Understanding is More Than a Head Nod
Stop faking alignment (whether you mean to or not) and instead uncover what’s not being said
Have you ever walked out of a session thinking, “Yeah, we’re all good,” only to find out later that everyone left with a totally different idea of what just happened? I know I have!
We all like to think we’ve just run the most amazing session where everyone left on the same page. No one wants to say it out loud, but the truth?
That meeting didn’t create shared understanding or clarity — it just postponed the confusion.
Before we can talk about what shared understanding is, we need to get clear on what it’s absolutely not.
Shared understanding is not…
Nodding in unison and agreement just for the sake of agreement.
One louder voice over others followed by agreement just to move forward.
Stripping away actual meaning to get a watered-down version with no creativity or risk so everyone agrees.
Assuming that because you understand everyone else does too.
When the room is silent after you ask, “Any questions?”
Politeness over progress — surface-level agreement. You can be kind while still being candid and curious, it's possible!
Everyone in the room has different experiences, backgrounds, and stories — even if they have similar elements that tie them together.
You can say leadership and mean supportive and empowering.
I can hear it and think controlling and exhausting.
The words might match — but what’s underneath them doesn’t.
Because we never walk into a room without our own stories.
We bring all our past wins, wounds, bosses, teams, projects, and more — whether we want to or not.
Because our brains are shaped by everything that came before and thats the lens we use.
Shared understanding takes work — it’s what happens when we stop assuming and start asking.
Shared understanding is…
Seeing other perspectives and having them shape the new reality.
Using the tension that pops up to come to clarity.
Bringing assumptions to the surface and addressing them. Could be flipping them, getting rid of them, or validating them.
If we don’t push to listen to other perspectives (not just hear them)...
The best ideas stay buried.
Defaulting to the safest option is what usually happens.
People leave with fuzzy ideas.
Ok, that’s all well and good, but HOW do we get to that shared understanding?
Shared Language Activities
These activities help us stop assuming or pretending we’re aligned with our language and start figuring out what we really mean — together. You an use them to start a session or even weave the activities throughout. Facilitators choice!
Define it Together
❓ The Why
This sets the group up for clarity in their conversations by ensuring that when we say a specific word or term in the session, the group understands it the same way to start. It establishes a shared meaning as the foundation for the discussions to come. Because if our starting points are scattered, our work will be too.
💪 Steps
1 — Select a term or phrase related to your session that needs a shared definition to start off on the same page. (ex: for a session I ran on integrating play, we defined the word play together first)
2 — Have everyone individually write down three points that define this word. One point per post it.
3 — Next, have them bring those three points to a small group and combine them with the other group members' three points. Throw them all up on a wall (or virtual whiteboard if it is a remote session.) The group should look for patterns and then finally vote on the top three points as a group they feel best define the word.
4 — To wrap up, each group brings their top three points to the front wall (or designated area on a virtual whiteboard) and presents what they are and why they chose them. From there, the entire group votes on their top three points, and whichever three bubble to the top make up our shared definition for the rest of the session. We got there together and we all own this understanding.
ELI 5 (Explain it Like I’m 5)
❓ The Why
This activity helps people break down ideas in ways anyone can understand, using everyday language and simple concepts. You create an environment where people can not hide behind buzzwords and jargon specific to an industry or topic.
💪 Steps
1 — Pick a phrase or concept related to the session. Could be one we need to align on from the start or one that emerged during the first part of this session.
2 — Prompt the group with this: "Imagine a curious five-year-old asks: 'What does [your term/concept here] mean?' How would you explain it simply and clearly. No buzzwords, no jargon. Use words and examples they would understand.’ Have people individually reflect on this prompt first.
3 — Now, it’s time to share and compare. Have people put their thoughts up on a wall or virtual white board. Instead of asking people just to share what they wrote, try a 'silent gallery walk.' Give people a moment to peruse all the responses and then you can prompt with some discussion questions. Introduce what’s going to happen with “Once you’ve had a chance to look around, I’ll invite us into a few reflections.”
4 — Pose some questions to the group to reflect on and discuss:
What words or ideas do you notice are showing up more than once?
Do any of these surprise you?
What’s still unclear across the responses?
What’s missing? Is there an aspect we didn’t articulate?
5 — Finally, have a vote on what’s feeling the most clear to move forward with. Take the top responses and see if there’s a need to bring hem together for a final clarified statement.
Facilitation Techniques for Shared Understanding
These approaches help us facilitate conversations in a way that uncovers more meaning, perspectives, and understanding, moving us further and away from fake alignment.
Slow it Down
Interrupt the group’s rush to agreement. While momentum is great, rushing forward without taking a moment to reflect on what we’ve agreed to can cause issues in the future.
Some prompts that can help you when guiding conversations:
Let's check-in — does the way we’re talking about this feel clear enough to move forward?
If we paused right now and each wrote down what we think we agreed to, how close do you think our answers would be?
(Use your own feelings, as a facilitator to guide the convo) I’m actually not sure I’m 100% clear yet myself — anyone else in the same boat?
Reflect and Paraphrase
Draw out different interpretations.
Some prompts that can help you when guiding conversations:
Can someone share with me what we just decided in their own words?
What’s a question you’re holding onto but maybe haven’t asked yet?
Make Meaning Visible
Get thoughts out of heads in a place everyone can see to make sure we’re aligned.
Some prompts you can use to get people to document ideas not just say them:
What key words or phrases do we keep repeating, and what do they really mean to us? Can we get those thoughts down for all of us?
If we can see it, we can shape it. Let’s get some of these thoughts down on some stickies.
Make me a promise today — commit to using curiosity, going deeper, staying away from the “yea, yea, got it” (and not really meaning it.) Instead, build on the ideas of others and get to true moments of understanding.
Are you in?
✨ Here’s to breaking routine, welcoming the weird, + workshopping with wonder. ✨